i'm back, baby!

aye carumba. i'm terrible at keeping up with this thing. needless to say, i had my baby!!! it's a boy. he was born @ 8:30pm on august 12th and weighed in at 6 lbs 14 ounces...21 1/4 inches long. his name is conrad patrick jones and he is THE love of my life. sorry, ror. but this is like mother/child love and it trumps any other kind. he'll be 4 months old on the december 12th. time is flying. sooooo, here's a little recap for the record:
the first 6 weeks were brutal. i'm not gonna sugar coat it. i'm talkin' bruuuuuuuuuuuuutal. i questioned my decision to have a kid quite a few times. the first week you think there's nothing to it cause you're in this newborn baby love haze...just running on pure adrenaline. you don't mind waking up every two hours because you're just riding this natural high and you're so happy to hold this little person in your arms every chance you get. then the second week hits and reality sets in. you gotta do this for the next few months (which in your mind seems like an eternity)...EVERY single feeding...every two hours for 3 months straight...non-stop...until he starts sleeping through the night. it may have been different if I pumped or was bottle feeding cause then me and rory could've taken turns at least and I could've gotten more than an hour sleep at a time- sometimes 2 when I was lucky! But it's starts getting pretty overwhelming right about the point your husband goes back to work...I know. Perfect timing. Your barely eating because you spending all your time milking this thing like a big fat cow, your body is like "let me sleep already!!!!," your nipples feel like they're gonna fall off cause he's not latching on right, or your milk duct is clogged, you've never been so overtired in your life so you cry all the time, you don't want company cause you're miserable and everytime anyone comes over they're like, "how do you feel?? isn't motherhood awesome??" and you lie and say, "yes!" when really you want to scream, "no!!! this sucks so bad!! it hate it!!!!!!!!!" and you feel completely selfish because you LOVE this kid to death, but you find yourself thinking to yourself, "what have i done? i can't handle this. i'm a terrible mom." and then one day around 6 or 7 weeks, the fog suddenly lifts and you finally get the knack of breastfeeding, your body adjusts to less sleep and you realize that yes!!! yes, you CAN do it!!!! and you do love being a mom. 8 weeks gets even better. And by 12 you're a pro and you and your bubs got a little routine going on and then BAM!!! maternity leave is over. then it's your first day back to work.you cry dropping the baby off at the babysitter, cry on your way to the office, cry at your desk, cry in your car at lunch, and cry during your afternoon break. then 5 o'clock hits and your rush home like your house is on fire just to see him a few seconds earlier than if you didn't run that red light or roll through all the stop signs. they give you 3 months to spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with this kid and then they pull the rug out from under you and make you quit him cold turkey. but then it gets better. now, i can't imagine my life without him and i want to spend every waking minute of the day with him. i can't WAIT for all the milestones- rolling over, crawling, walking, talking...the family vacations and all the holidays. so many memories to be made! it's seriously awesome being a mom. so demanding, exhausting, and challenging...but worth every stressful minute.

And this, my friend, is why...look at that freakin' face.